Got a serious case of the blues today…and I need to unload. (Please indulge me for a few minutes). I believe it is because of being so overwhelmed with so many different issues in life for so long (it seems) that I am just plain exhausted. It’s only because of God’s faithfulness and strength that I’m even alive today, and I do rejoice in that and give Him praise right now.
The past few years have been a huge challenge for me. Last year it became necessary for us to make a change in our church home, and God led us to another place. That was very difficult, but definitely His move. We trusted Him to lead us rightly, and we believe He did. After so much struggling with many issues, it was a relief. I praise Him for this. But I miss seeing many of my dear friends. I have kept in touch with most, but it is different. I have made some new friends, especially in choir. I have an opportunity to play the piano at church again (below is a picture of me playing at a wedding).
I praise Him for the opportunity to give and receive love wherever it is found.
Then, in January we discovered our 15 year old daughter was pregnant and were faced with so many conflicting emotions and thoughts. She was taught and knew the right thing to do…how could she have allowed this to happen? We have always taught our kids to wait, they knew what was right. Of course we love our daughter and her unborn child, but what is the best thing for her and the baby? We knew that she would have the child, but should a 15 year old have that responsibility? Shouldn’t she consider placing the baby for adoption? In the state of Texas she and the baby’s father are given sole authority to make that decision. But does it really mean we would be helping raise the baby if she “keeps” him? We were in a different stage of life now and were thinking about being “empty nesters” soon. Ahhh, some freedom together as a couple was just around the corner…we didn’t want to give that up to help “raise” another baby. Besides, we were almost 50 years old…but God had other ideas. He had allowed us to have 4 children, although one died right after birth. Emma was the 4th. After her, my body did not recover well from childbirth, I had to have two surgeries, etc., so we had no more children. Was this God’s way of giving us an opportunity to love another child? I think so…even though it wasn’t in “our” timing. (This is where God lovingly laughs, I believe 🙂 So we deal and get ready for another little life…
I praise Him for this little boy who is coming to live with us.
Then, in March I awoke to a soft hissing sound at about 4:00 am only to step into a soaking wet carpet. The pipe under the sink in my bathroom was spraying water, and apparently had been doing so for several hours. I squished my way into the bathroom to turn off the water source (thankfully, it worked). The damage was so extensive that ceilings had fallen in downstairs, the water had soaked 2/3 of the house upstairs and down. Light fixtures were hanging from the fallen sheetrock, smoke alarms were dripping water, and water was pouring out of electrical outlets. It was literally “raining” downstairs. No one was hurt and our insurance took good care of us, but the work is still not completely finished. It has been frustrating, but also a blessing because we got a new vanity in our bathroom, beautiful new carpet, laminate and tile, and paint in rooms that needed it.
I thank God for this home and the protection He gave our family during this crisis! I am grateful for the upgrades, although His method of providing them was quite interesting!
That’s not all. The repairs have been an ordeal, as several of our contractors/flooring people endured tragedies in their families and were delayed in working on our home. God has enabled our family to minister to people and show His love to them during these trials. The flooring manager was diagnosed with a brain tumor and died right after I met her to plan all the carpet, tile, and laminate. She was a wonderful person. If you read this, pray for Sharon’s family. They owned the carpet company. Sharon had kept all of our choices in her head!!! Fortunately, I also had written them down, so we were able to order without choosing all over again. But it was a sad and difficult time.
I praise God for helping all of us endure trials and grief. (James 1:2-4 are probably my life verses!)
Then, I started my new, exciting job that I was so happy to be asked to do at the Urogyn Clinic. How neat it was to already have a nurse practitioner job 1 year before graduation! What an honor to be cold called and asked to come work for a premier Urogyn practice as one of 4 women’s health nurse practitioners…but that also wasn’t meant to be. After 3 weeks I had to leave because they backed out of paying for my college tuition. We couldn’t afford for me to lose that benefit (the hospital had been paying for it, and I lost that benefit when I went to Baylor). What a disappointment for me and my family. In spite of that, I have to believe that God knew what He was doing when this happened, and maybe I was protected from a bad situation down the road. I may never know, but then again, i don’t have to know everything!
I praise God for His omniscience.
There were several other smaller indicents this year…dog had a tumor on his foot (not cancerous, we found out), some extended family issues and conflicts, car troubles, unforseen expenses…the same issues all of us face. I know I am not alone in the struggling! We all have problems. But right now I am exhausted from all of it. Not to mention trying to finish school (May 2009 is graduation!). Thank you for reading my post today. Any encouragement would be welcome.
I praise God for keeping me and my loved ones in the palm of His hand.
I ask Him to comfort me and those who are reading this post.